Monday, April 14, 2014

Episode 6: Dr OZaphobia, Oh no, I do that too.

If you think you have a disease or illness you should consult your doctor. Don't watch Dr Oz and diagnose yourself or Google or Webmd your symptoms, go to the doctor. Keep in mind emergency rooms aren't free but they will see if your dying, before they will bill you. The reason I say this is the more I talk and share what it's like to have narcolepsy with cataplexy, the more I have people respond in these same ways."I haven't been diagnosed with anything yet but my problems are way worse than being sleepy" Or "I do all that too, do you think I have narcolepsy?" or I get "I don't think I have narcolepsy but do you ...?" The ... represents some random off the wall thing like "my big toe twitches 6 time, then I sneeze and fart 2 times each and get sleepy". You probably think I'm joking but a good bit of that scenario was an actual question I was asked. Don't get me wrong I am very appreciative when people ask me questions, I'm glad they want to know. The thing is, first I'm not a doctor, second narcolepsy can manifest itself a couple of different ways to different people, and third why in the world would you divulge crazy information about yourself, that would make even your significant other would shake their head. I guess its cause I'm such a people person. (Read that in a voice saturated in utter sarcasm.) These people are fine asking questions, other than the mental pictures and the taste of vomit in the back of my throat, from where I threw up a little in my mouth. The second group of people are okay as well, my sister is one of them. I call them the Dr Ozaphobics. Its hilarious how easy they go from being fine and fully functional to I need to sit down, I think I caught what you have. Case in point, my sister is so susceptible to suggestion my mom will say vague health related comments and before long my sister is about to die. She can't watch Dr Oz because she either has everything or is afraid of getting what he shares on his show. These people aren't so bad to deal with, they're actually pretty funny to mess with. Its the first group of people that are my kryptonite, their the ultimate one uppers of despair. When I share the effect narcolepsy has on me, in a conversation, I try to do it in a non "woe is me" type of way. I don't want pity, I want awareness. Before my diagnosis I was looking for answers from anywhere. This disease is scary, especially if you have no clue you have it, or know nothing about the possible symptoms associated with it. This group of joy sucking vampires on the other hand, they not only want pity they need it. There's one Vampirette in my circle of relatives, I say relatives because if you knew them you wouldn't want to call them family either. This particular person is in my book the conductor of the pity train express. I try to not share anything about how I feel or what my day to day problems are around this person, my wife on the other hand I guess likes to see me suffer. Every time we see Vampy, my wife tells them all about how I am doing especially the bad stuff, then sits back and enjoys watching the life being drained out of me. I'm sure you have a person like this in your circles, or at least I would hope so. Unless God really has a grudge against me I don't think I'd be the only one blessed with this syphon of vitality. You are probably thinking of this person right now. That one person that when you see them you try to have as little of a conversation with as possible, then one day you let those famous last words slip out, "How are you doing." Then its on like a fat kid on a box of twinkies. You spend the longest 45 minutes of your life, hearing them tell you how sick and dying they are. Just standing there listening, not daring to comment, other than a "yep" or the occasional head nod. Knowing if you say anything else it will only prolong the suffering. The whole time hoping for a phone call, one of your kids to say something, anything to pull you out of their pool of despair as they bankrupt your soul of all joy and happiness. Finally they finish their dismal exaggeration of how their life is all doom and gloomy, only to leave you an empty shell of a human being void everything, and in a pit of hopelessness. See pure kryptonite, able to bring any person with ears to the brink of self destruction. I am not a heartless person, I try to have compassion for all, because you never really know what is going on in a person's private life. That's what bothers me tho, I know I talk about my disease but I try to not be all melodramatic "Shall this bitter turn ever be complete." Well maybe when I'm trying to get my Dad to baby me. From what I've seen this is also true for most people I meet that have health issues that take their toll on them daily. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you focus on all the bad its hard to feel even a little good. Try to find anything in your life that makes your daily routine more tolerable, if not better. Then focus on it, don't be a syphon on others that are there trying to help. Life is hard enough as it is, try to uplift and encourage. Be a reservoir of hope and contentment in a world of decency executioners.