Episode 7: Waking up to go back to sleep.

It has come to my attention that this post my sound mean or hurtful toward my wife and kids. It is not meant that way and my family reads and approves my post before I publish them. This is meant to be funny, they all laughed at it and did not want me to change a thing. Hope you enjoy.

My not so typical morning...

At 6:30 my alarm goes off,  I don't know why its my alarm I don't have to get up my wife and older boys have to get up but its my alarm that goes off. The truth is I know why its not her alarm, because apparently my wife doesn't know how to set her phones alarm, or at least that's what she says. I bet if candy crush had an alarm clock setting level she'd know how to set her alarm. Well what does she do? She lets the guy with narcolepsy  set the alarm and make sure she wakes up.
      So I turn my alarm off and shake my wife to get up. I am rewarded with the growl of a ferocious grizzly bear, that is about to kill an unwanted pest for waking it from hibernation. She finally vacates her position in dreamland after my sixth attempt to rouse her. The reason I make sure she gets up is because if I fall back a sleep and let her and the boys be late, it's gonna be a long day of the nag-o-meter chewing on my butt, like pittbull on a bone. As she trundles from her refuge of down comforters, I nod back off but its just a nod for I know all to well the beasts of instant chaos are being awakened. That is when my house fills with psychotic hysteria mixes with non medicated adhd children of devastation, like a Walmart right before black Friday begins.
      With all this calamity unfolding right outside my bedroom door, I try to sleep, between ignoring the yelling and screaming mostly from my wife, the beating and banging coming from the twins of destruction, and finally with out fail the living gas chamber, meandering into the living room, farting and sneezing like an old beat up car skipping and backfiring after it has not been cranked in years. Which makes me wonder as I lay there, what is this kid's deal, its like he confines himself to his room all night consuming anything that is partially edible that would increase his flatulence, body odor, and mucus production. Then storing them up for him to release this homemade, bacteria tainted, vomit inducing, poisonous gas into my living room. Its as if he is an alien that has to spew pollutants in to the air, to change the atmospheric toxicity level to make it more habitable for itself. By more habitable I mean make it smell like a mix of rotten cabbage, decaying skunk, and burnt plastic. Which must be the fragrance he has for rooms air freshener. I thought when we bought the plug in scent things it would help to put one in every room, and it did everywhere but his room I think the thing either killed itself from over work or from not being able to handle the stench. Back to the living room with it full of this chemical nerve agent, the green fog starts seeping into my room getting sucked into my cpap and finishes destroying the tiny bit nasal senses I have left.
   All this anarchy culminates with the human fogger coming into my room to tell me my sweet, little, triple scoop of  psycho, lollipop of a wife is on the edge of murdering one of our precious demons and she needs me to bring my dragon of wrath and sleep deprivation personality out to corral and motivate the little neurotics into getting ready quicker.
     After spewing fire and threats of annihilation at the little life drainers, then shoving the kids and my wife out the door, I drag myself back to bed and try to erase the morning events and pass back out. Only to be awaken by the 3 year old either laying on me, or at the very least touching me. Now when I say touching me you might think aww he's got his hand on you, or his back against you snuggling , he must really is love you. Hahaha you are as wrong as drag queen at a Billy Graham crusade. He is sprawled across me, either hitting, kicking, or digging one or more boney limbs or digits into my back, stomach, or face. Ignoring the pain I lay there trying to get some sleep, as a battle commences between baby bam bam and I. The battle is over space in my king size bed. Bam bam has decided that since I have left the bed it is now his, the whole thing, and will only allow me to have a nine inch section to lay on. You would think I could just push him over and have more room, I use to try this but he's got his mom's morning demeanor. So I huddle in my alotment of bed and fall a sleep. Usually this is when I drift into that hard good sleep.
       That last for a good bit, then the wild one starts to stir. First its 'Dada I want some tea", I lay there trying to fake sleep praying it goes back to sleep, to no avail he calls again "Dada get up I want more tea". Still I lay there begging God to make him fall back asleep, that's when he takes matters into his own hands. He grabs my cpap mask yanks it back and lets it go, so that it hits me in the face so hard it makes my eyes water. Guess what I got up.
    This is just the start of my day. But you know what, atleast it's another day. I'm alive and have another day to share with someone to encourage and help them. Always remember even if you wake up worse off than when you went to sleep, you still woke up. Their must be someone out there that needs you in some way. Otherwise what would be the point of this life. Let it be all about you helping others and not about only just you.

Episode 6: Dr OZaphobia, Oh no, I do that too.

If you think you have a disease or illness you should consult your doctor. Don't watch Dr Oz and diagnose yourself or Google or Webmd your symptoms, go to the doctor. Keep in mind emergency rooms aren't free but they will see if your dying, before they will bill you. The reason I say this is the more I talk and share what it's like to have narcolepsy with cataplexy, the more I have people respond in these same ways."I haven't been diagnosed with anything yet but my problems are way worse than being sleepy" Or "I do all that too, do you think I have narcolepsy?" or I get "I don't think I have narcolepsy but do you ...?" The ... represents some random off the wall thing like "my big toe twitches 6 time, then I sneeze and fart 2 times each and get sleepy". You probably think I'm joking but a good bit of that scenario was an actual question I was asked. Don't get me wrong I am very appreciative when people ask me questions, I'm glad they want to know. The thing is, first I'm not a doctor, second narcolepsy can manifest itself a couple of different ways to different people, and third why in the world would you divulge crazy information about yourself, that would make even your significant other would shake their head. I guess its cause I'm such a people person. (Read that in a voice saturated in utter sarcasm.) These people are fine asking questions, other than the mental pictures and the taste of vomit in the back of my throat, from where I threw up a little in my mouth. The second group of people are okay as well, my sister is one of them. I call them the Dr Ozaphobics. Its hilarious how easy they go from being fine and fully functional to I need to sit down, I think I caught what you have. Case in point, my sister is so susceptible to suggestion my mom will say vague health related comments and before long my sister is about to die. She can't watch Dr Oz because she either has everything or is afraid of getting what he shares on his show. These people aren't so bad to deal with, they're actually pretty funny to mess with. Its the first group of people that are my kryptonite, their the ultimate one uppers of despair. When I share the effect narcolepsy has on me, in a conversation, I try to do it in a non "woe is me" type of way. I don't want pity, I want awareness. Before my diagnosis I was looking for answers from anywhere. This disease is scary, especially if you have no clue you have it, or know nothing about the possible symptoms associated with it. This group of joy sucking vampires on the other hand, they not only want pity they need it. There's one Vampirette in my circle of relatives, I say relatives because if you knew them you wouldn't want to call them family either. This particular person is in my book the conductor of the pity train express. I try to not share anything about how I feel or what my day to day problems are around this person, my wife on the other hand I guess likes to see me suffer. Every time we see Vampy, my wife tells them all about how I am doing especially the bad stuff, then sits back and enjoys watching the life being drained out of me. I'm sure you have a person like this in your circles, or at least I would hope so. Unless God really has a grudge against me I don't think I'd be the only one blessed with this syphon of vitality. You are probably thinking of this person right now. That one person that when you see them you try to have as little of a conversation with as possible, then one day you let those famous last words slip out, "How are you doing." Then its on like a fat kid on a box of twinkies. You spend the longest 45 minutes of your life, hearing them tell you how sick and dying they are. Just standing there listening, not daring to comment, other than a "yep" or the occasional head nod. Knowing if you say anything else it will only prolong the suffering. The whole time hoping for a phone call, one of your kids to say something, anything to pull you out of their pool of despair as they bankrupt your soul of all joy and happiness. Finally they finish their dismal exaggeration of how their life is all doom and gloomy, only to leave you an empty shell of a human being void everything, and in a pit of hopelessness. See pure kryptonite, able to bring any person with ears to the brink of self destruction. I am not a heartless person, I try to have compassion for all, because you never really know what is going on in a person's private life. That's what bothers me tho, I know I talk about my disease but I try to not be all melodramatic "Shall this bitter turn ever be complete." Well maybe when I'm trying to get my Dad to baby me. From what I've seen this is also true for most people I meet that have health issues that take their toll on them daily. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you focus on all the bad its hard to feel even a little good. Try to find anything in your life that makes your daily routine more tolerable, if not better. Then focus on it, don't be a syphon on others that are there trying to help. Life is hard enough as it is, try to uplift and encourage. Be a reservoir of hope and contentment in a world of decency executioners.

Episode 5: Insomnia, are you freaking kidding me?

How in the world can someone that is pretty much tired all the time have insomnia? Welcome to the absolute psychotic world that is my life. You fight sleep all day and when you finally get to go to the place your body has yearned for, the absolute utopia you have trudged through this day filled with sleep attacks that have drained you like a teenagers cellphone battery, you lay down and bam, you can't sleep. Your laying there, beyond tired, I mean like stay awake for two days and drink a bottle of NyQuil, beyond tired and you can't fall a sleep. It is a vicious cycle of excessive tiredness and can't switch your brain off, then when you finally fall a sleep you wake up every couple of hours and the cycle begins again. It is beyond me how and why my body plays this sick joke on me. You would think that after dragging myself through a day of complete and utter agony pushing myself past the bounds of complete exhaustion, my body would shut down before I hit the pillow. Most people sit in bed on the computer or phone, catching up on the days general events. Not me I turn my phone on vibrate. Shut off all lights, LEDs, anything that has a glow. My room is pitch black, and I lay there with everything off except my brain. That daft thing in my head starts running through the last 29 years of my life. Things that have nothing to do with anything pertinent in my life to date. It literally makes me want to have a primal scream fit of rage and crack myself in the head with a roofing hammer. I get so tired mentally that I tell my doctor about it and guess what they have a medicine for insomnia. Well not just insomnia but insomnia and rem sleep problems which is why narcoleptics are so tired, even when they sleep "normally". My body goes to dream mode pretty quickly, 5-7 minutes. That's like charging your phone till the red light stops blinking then getting right back on it. Most people don't go into rem/dream sleep for sometime after they fall a sleep, like hours after. So to help me not dream so quickly and also to fall a sleep faster there is a drug. But not any ole drug this stuff make NyQuil look like koolaide. Its a syrup that you dilute and it taste like seawater, but it puts you down like giving benadryl to a baby. So for 2 to 6 hours you don't dream you don't wake up, your out cold. This seems healthy right? This is just a long line in the stuff I have to take to be a functioning human being for 4 hours of the day. Oh the madness, but the best thing ever has happened to me and its because of narcolepsy. I now have the opportunity and more ambition to spend with my kids. I only have those limited hours of not being a zombie to really focus toward my children's upbringing and well being. My challenge to you is to really think about what is the most important things in your life and make time to spend on them. All the wealth and fame in the world will fade  but love and charity go along way.